End of week 14

So here I am typing in the dark.

This has been a pretty long winter, but also a long winter of a time in my life. I am So ready to make permanent lasting changes that will positively impact my life.

I started this 25 pounds lighter, tighter and brighter challenge December 2013 after having eaten too many shortbread cookies over the holiday season. Mind you, I have gotten better over the years, overrating is still one if the habits I must change.

A few years ago, I decided to no longer feel guilty for being alive. Since childhood I had grown up believing, and therefore, living my life as if I did not deserve to be happy, that I was to blame for all the bad things that go on in life. I believed that I was worthless and that I took up valuable air for people who were more important.

A few years ago while reading a book called "Awaken the Giant Within" by Anthony Robbins, I realized the I could let go of that belief and finally release myself and enjoy freedom.

That moment of deciding to let of guilt was pivotal in where my life is today.

So, I have been deep into personal development since my first born was clearly going to be diagnoses with a neurological disorder. And my life has improved in terms of diet and environmental toxins in my home, but there are SO much to improve on.

One thing I really wanted to change was my eating patterns and my patterns of stress and burnout - and retaining fat.

I have realized through keeping notes in my challenge that I overeat and eat in a very stressful environment. So the pattern is I eat in chaos, and I eat more to counter this stress until I feel horrible in my stomach and throat - then I realize I don't want I to treat my body this way. Yet I would repeat this self destructive pattern the next say when i am presented with stress or temptation.

Anyway, this week I decides to listen to Anthony Robbins' "unleash the power from within" - a live recorded seminar. 

It is exactly what I needed. 

I have been "shoulding" myself. Although I rarely use that word anymore, my behaviours reflect this.  I know I should not overeat in order to release excess fat, but I don't. I eat in hiding the things I shouldn't be eating like bread and butter, but I do because I have not made up in my mind that I MUST.

I will write more next post about "should" and "must". 

Thank you for joining me for this post.

I want to appreciate you, and I send you love, peace and joy.

Kim

Still not quitting

Wow!  My last post was in February?  It's already March 20th... and tomorrow would be the first day of Spring where I am.

The last few weeks have been a little overwhelming.  Family has been sick.  I've been sick.  And that threw me off the Primal Blueprint Challenge.  I actually was doing it for about 30 days with some small exceptions; so I'm OK with the experience.

I'm currently reading Dr. John Douillard's book The 3 Season Diet.  I first learned about Dr. John Douillard from a video I had borrowed from the public library maybe 2 or three years ago called Ayurveda for Stress Relief.  

It talks about eating with the seasons and living life down stream.  If you think of life with the following analogy, it'll be clearer to you.  If you were paddling a boat against the current without stopping, what would happen?  You would be exherting an enormous amount of energy and effort and perhaps not even get to where you want to go upstream.  However, if you were to just let the boat go in the direct of the current, you wouldn't even have to paddle... the river would just bring you somewhere.

So, I want to live my life downstream.  It's not as easy as that.  I've not been programmed this way.  So, I'm working on deprogramming myself.

When I set out to do this 25 Pounds Lighter, Tighter and Brighter in 5 Months Challenge, I really wanted to shed the fat in 3 or 4 months.  Well, this challenge is like going upstream.  Somehow I'm more stressed about this so I go soothe myself with some bread and butter.

I want you to know that if you've been trying to lose weight for a long time only to fluctuate (your emotions as well as your weight), you are NOT alone!

I can tell you, though, that when I have support from others, reaching a goad becomes more attainable.  Somehow in the moments of wanting to give up, the encouragement and love is there.  And life continues.  I am so grateful to all the people in my life who have been supportive of my "craziness" throughout the years.

I'm almost at the end of week 13 of my Challenge.  From here on in, I'm taking care of myself, choosing to create less stress, doing less to attain more.

Thank you for reading.  And remember, you are where you are because of all the choices you've made up until now.  Knowing this, you can create your new desired reality by the next choice... and the next choice and so forth.

Blessings and gratitude,