Ten years ago at this time, I was living singing songs from The Sound of Music and counting the seconds... Minutes and intensity of my first contractions. All the while I was planning my baby signing business in front of my huge 15 inch computer monitor (huge compared to the plasma monitors we have now twn years later). And in the other room of our rented basement was my husband watching the Ottawa Senators in the playoffs.
As it got more intense accompanied by other signs that I should probably get to the hospital, we started gathering bags and called a cab.
It was the most excruciating and annoying taxi ride ever! Every little bump and swerve intensified the already tremendous contractions.
Yet through all of this, I felt strong and in control. I just needed to get to the labour and delivery Ward.
I led the way carrying my luggage followed by my husband.
Our lives were about to change drastically.
I reached the triage in the delivery area. Nurses were under excited while I saw many women hooked up to contraction monitoring belts.
"This is your first birth?" Asked a nurse.
"Yes," I responded.
The pain and intensity was getting do strong now that my ears seemed to cut off sound. No wonder some women asked for an epidural! But of course, according the birthday the plan I wrote, there would be no drugs!
"It is still going to be a long time before the baby comes," says the nurse without much feeling. She seemed desensitized to all the first time moms and their first time experiences.
Fortunately, an intern with a smile came to "examine" how far open my cervix was.
"I just need to ask a nurse if I am accurate," she said. Then I overheard her telling the head nurse that she thought I was 8 cm dilated.
The nurse came unimpressed. "No, dear, it is her first child. It is going to take a long time. But I will check to show you."
Then to her surprise, she discovered the intern was correct.
I finally saw some spark of emotion (well, I didn't really see much - but her voice was more animated). "Aren't you in pain? Why aren't you crying? Ok, we are sorry. You can go right away to the delivery room."
Finally there was some urgency in the place.
It was such a painful and jbtense race to the delivery room.
I just recall from this moment forward, people just flooded the delivery room. The OB on duty that night read my birth plan and commented on how crazy I was to refuse an epidural in case of c-section.
Fortunately it was not necessary. After 8 minutes of pushing, he literally exploding out of me, leaving a 3rd degree tear. All the splatter of fluid was felt. I had never felt so much trust for strangers to take care of me in such a vulnerable time.
They placed his slimy, warm body over my belly. I felt him with my hands. I heard him cry a bit.
Then I heard people calling for the on duty paediatrician. Someone mentioned there was trauma in the birth.
My body was beat and torn. Then came rushing in some people who sewed me back... At one point the local anesthesia wore out while still stitching me. That was another type of pain!... But all done now.
Remy,
You are ten years old. How the years have just flown by. I remember our first nights together nursing. I lamented and cried... "Only 17 years together, and then you would be off to college or university," I said to the 7 pound infant boy. I was going to cherish every moment.
As the mornings woke us up, i would peer out the bright glass doors to the back. I saw each morning how the trees started filling in with buds, then young leaves, then large leaves. Soon the trees were lush and green.
You and I took walks up and down the steep sidewalks to the beach. We walked so much together. By August my weight was down to about 150 pounds from over 200 pounds while pregnant. We were always together.
My identity became "Remy's mom." I would tell people I was Kim... Then tagged on "Remy's mom."
I was so proud, so grateful and so motivated to face my fears so that I could unconditionally love and take care of you.
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